This April 1st I swear…

Tomorrow April 1st, I will dedicate my energies to prayer, meditation, reading holy books, eating vegetarian food, being positive, spreading good karma, practicing reiki and pranic healing, pissing on science, campaigning for creationism in classrooms, judging people by race, language, fashion, choice in music and film, reading up on my next gadget and automobile purchases, going to an upmarket salon to get a haircut, having serious views about everything, whining about the unnecessary spending on th space program, being nationalistic about everything from sports to history, enrolling into the RSS, enrolling into a madrassa, moving bag and baggage to Chennai for the weather, telling my son not to question what I tell him, stop being vain, giving up running, getting serious and stop cracking stupid jokes, swearing off laughing at the man in the mirror, taking up a sport competitively, training to be an outstanding public speaker (or at least a mic), being a grammar nazi, stopping at the 3rd drink and becoming a teetotaller.

Yes I misspelled teetotaler. There is no right spelling for that word. Got more suggestions?

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